Good news, hope and encouragement have dissappeared, also understanding has flown out of the window.

My training has intensified, I haven't had a day off since the race, at it has all been hard and fast. If I'm honest a night in would be nice, just some time to relax. Of course I have a one track mind at the moment, so I'd no doubt end up doing some reseach anyway.

The daily routine is.
5:00. Wake up thanks to two year old boy.
6.30. Joined downstairs by 5 year old girl.
7:00 Feed and dress children.
7:30 Take two year old to nursery.
8:00 Head off to work.
12:30 Lunchtime turbo session.
5:00 Head off home.
5:45 Pick up two year old.
6:15 Cook dinner
7:15 Change and bath children.
7.30 Two year old to bed.
8:00 Five year old to bed.
8:05 Sit down with my wife.
8:30 Training for three hours.
11:30 Arrive home. Shower.
12:30 Go to bed.
2:30 Visit two year old who wakes up for more milk.
Go back to the start.

As I headed off last night, with the Love Film dvd still unopened, and my wife preparing for another evening alone she said,'surely if you are going to break this record, you should be winning races like the one last week?'
'Well, yes I suppose so'
'So what's the point?'
'The point is I'm trying to get better.'
'Hmmm, bye then.'

That conversation haunted me for the entire three hours I was out. I should be doing better. My argument all along has been sports people are made, rather than born. Sure some physical charactistics play a role, but I have two legs and a decent pair of lungs. What about my heart?

Well last night, I was to do one hour in Zone 4. I warmed up okay for an hour, yet when I started the hour of truth, I really struggled. My legs were on fire but I barely reached my HR Zone. After 20 minutes, it was dropping. In the end, I pretty much did it at the top of Z3, despite pushing hard. I was so disspointed and angry with my self. What is wrong with me. I get warning shot like last weekend and yet I can't even train in the right zone. I tried to blame the Saturday nutter drivers, that it was late, that it was cold. But it is still a cr&p session on paper, and in my heart.

I told my wife when I got in. She often waits up out of concern for my safety. 'Could it be that you are tired?' she suggested.
'Maybe', I conceeded.

I don't know if she meant through training or lack of sleep. Either way, it's three hours of Hill repeats tonight.